Not of This World
posted by snarko on Tuesday, May 22 2007
"Aliens" in Politics
Now, I neither believe, nor disbelieve.
But I have firm reasons, which I either will or will not get into here, to think certain public officials are not human.
Not at all.
You've seen "They Live", right? If not, rent it. It's real good for at least reference sake, including Consolidated's "Friendly Fa$cism" repeatedly samples it:
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen
to the end of the twentieth century
and the arrival of friendly fascism.
Regrettably, millions will die as before.
But just think of the tremendous selection and savings you'll gain.
Of course the loss of freedom and democracy are tragedies, I know,
but consider the entertainment value contained within
and to remind you,
it is you, the people, who have mandated this course of our fate
so please come with me...
SO I honestly think some of these people ARE NOT HUMAN. They include, but are not limited to:
1. CONGRESSMAN LLYOD DOGGETT (and his whole family). For some reason, on our side, but not of this origin. They make me feel funny. Funny, funny. And I've touched them. And their heads are too big. They just have this presence...
2. VP DICK CHENEY (but unfortunately, not Bush: he's human). Definitely one of the "others", and I wouldn't be surprised if a forked tongue came out of his mouth or his skin "randomly" turned blue-black else sprung scales outta "nowhere" at some point. Not at all.
3. THE POPE. I have no other idea how a body of people supposedly for the Good could be so Evil.
4. SENATOR KAY BAILEY-HUTCHINSON. The only way a woman could be so cold, without being a closet lesbian. If you're just a lesbian, come out already, will you? We'll still hate you, we swear, but on more honest grounds.
5. EVERY SCIENTIST THAT SAYS GLOBAL WARMING ISN'T HAPPENING. Absolute conspiracy. You're trying to kill us. It ain't funny.
Failure IV: The Sermon
posted by snarko on Saturday, May 12 2007
Why cats are better than people
WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE
We're skipping the fanfair and going straight to the fat woman:
9. They are constant reminders everything is, in fact, stupid nonsense. As Vicious the Runt has stated, "Just roll around with the sun on your belly, why don't you? See?! It's nice!"
8. They are symbiotic and loyal if you earn such loyalty; they'll kick in the dog in the nuts for you if they have to. But they'll only give what they get.
7. They don't let you get overly Aneristic, as every time you get used to a weird habit and adapt to it to the point you nearly ignore said habit was weird, they change it.
6. They don't care what you look like. They do care how you're feeling.
5. They're only somewhat dependent on you. And that's a preference, not a necessity.
4. They constantly remind you the objects you own are temporal and of no real value.
3. They yell at you when you've truly fucked up or been neglectful, but drop it not five minutes after the situation is rectified.
2. They guard your dreams from turning nightmare (they got your cosmic back, yo). Why do you think you can't sleep alone?
1. Repeat #9.