Please, Not My Cigarettes Too
posted by snarko on Tuesday, September 5 2006
But I Didn't Quit
I absolutely know a few of you are sneering, [insert whiny voice] "Why don't you just quit smoking" [/whine]
?!
So let's hit that one up front.
You people fall into three categories; all three make us smoke MORE, so you should find another method or shut up:
1. THE FAKER. I hate liars and posers (dating myself but whatever) in every category. Don't think I don't know you're a fake. And don't think you're not just pissing me off.
Pretending to cough while walking past me--when I've already moved to the end of the yard to avoid bothering people eating or children while I'm smoking--just makes me wanna light another one and blow it in your face. You're fake. You got a real issue, we'll talk.
2. THE SELFISH. You don't care about my health or difficulty trying to quit; you just whine about how much the smell is interrupting the smell of your beef dinner. How about THAT smell makes ME want to wretch--it's the smell of a carcass half-rotted as far as I'm concerned--but it's "publically acceptable".
And I have, actually, wretched over it. Makes me sick to my stomach. But I don't go in your face bitching about you eating death, while you do while I'm smoking it. We all pick our own poisons. I leave yours alone, and expect the same in return.
3. THE OBVIOUS. Like we don't know it's bad for us. Like we're not trying to quit. You're not giving us a news flash. We're addicts. ADDICTS. So say something that helps us quit, or say nothing.
WHEW! Done with that. Back to real topic.
PLEASE, not my cigarettes too. It's the last thing in the world I want to think about on a political level.
So as many know, I smoke exclusively American Spirit, organically grown tobacco.
Not that it's "healthier". I'll get there in a minute. (Actually two, on re-read.)
When you switch to Spirits (which a dealer pointed out we all call them, despite the fact the name isn't plural), you'll never, ever go back. I used to say it's because you can suddenly taste all the crap--including ammonia--they put in "major brand" cigarettes. Which is true. They taste awful. But there's another reason, and they're now screwing with it...
I started because they were the only ones that didn't taint the tobacco with other additives (which I avoid in other categories as well), were one of two companies with a biodegradeable filter (for the record, the other is Camel--both cotton with no fiberglass), and donated part of their profit to Native American charities. Like, if you're gonna smoke anyway, might as well help someone other than the CEOs of RJ Reynolds.
I'd switched from Camel, unfiltered, to the "brown" Spirit softpack (not available in hard at time--dunno if it is now), also unfiltered.
Then noted a taste drop one day. And switched to the perique blend, grown in New Orleans. Might as well help an American farmer, since many companies switched to imported tobacco.
Then noted a taste drop one day. Nay, at that point I was a dealer, and got the memo myself. "To deal with rising costs, we've switched to 'another source' for our perique blend tobacco", (note: cost of pack DID NOT drop), "We're sure you'll enjoy the same flavor." Bull. Noticed it immediately. Despite years of smoking, I still have all my taste buds, and my nose doesn't quit either.
[aside] Bless you, Andrew Sanchez, wherever you are. I'm sorry I started smoking again at your funeral, and that several others started. I hear you. I hear you. I'll quit soon, for you. [/aside]
So I decided to re-try the organic. I'd tried them in the past; they were so harsh, I nearly blew a lung in one cigarette (I'm into slow and painful, not instant, death). Because to meet even USDA (which are bunk) organic standards, they'd have to use American farmers. I want my "American" Spirit AMERICAN, okay?
Yes, the blend was better; it was now smokeable. I switched, even though it was $1 more a pack.
Speaking of $1 more, you know that during the Texas legislature's "special session" on "education" (I was there, and really, really can't call it that), they put another flat $1 tax on every pack of cigarettes? It's about to go into effect.
And it ain't for no education. It's for property tax "relief". Relief to the richest of people with the biggest of houses, who rarely smoke, and if they did, that $1 ain't spit like it is to the rest of us. You remember that every time you buy a pack. I encourage you to grow your own--because I can't ask you to quit--even though I just learned that's illegal here ("steals" from their tax revenue). Blow some smoke in Perry's face and VOTE HIM OUT (this is just another reason)!
As a member of the Hot Skillets proclaimed to me, moonshine in one hand, joint in the other, "I don't drink notin' nor smoke notin' that's TAXED!"
And I wouldn't bitch--hell I've voted for (note: we didn't get to vote on this) my own tax on cigarettes in the past, because I knew the funds were going somewhere positive, like directly funding anti-smoking education for children.
But I'll blow smoke on your white picket, electrocuted, armed with gunmen fence. Screw you.
As of last week, I noted a taste drop.
And a burn-rate drop: used to be Spirits would out-burn any other cigarette; now I ignore it for ten seconds, and I'm staring at a one-inch ash. I don't smoke that fast; in fact, I've already identified my addiction as hand-based, not mouth-based (most people are one or the other), and often hold a cigarette for minutes without lighting it, which drives other smokers crazy.
But I just wanna hold it.
Furious, I start looking for a reason for this taste/burn change. For fuck's sake, it's the last cigarette on Earth I'll still smoke. LEAVE IT ALONE!
Looking for the truth, I hit the stock exchange for RAI (trade code) press releases. But came up blank. (But still recommend method to you Truth-seekers; greedy corporations will tell their stockholders far more than the press.)
Then found the website article Smoke and Mirrors, which I'll highly recommend to you fellow smokers. It's straight-up, not that whiny shit.
Get this:
Hooked on Spirits? Now acting irritable, despite smoking them more?
They reduced their level of "crack nicotene". I dunno if it's because they got a smack-down or chose to, but that's what's happened. And we addicts will suffer for it, one way or another.
Nicotene apparently comes in either acid or base form. That's natural to the plant itself, and depends on strain of seed/how it's grown.
The acid form is known as "free-base" nicotene, basically the difference between powder and crack cocaine. Some cigarette companies add it, because it's far more addictive--going straight to your brain, and bypassing all other organs.
Spirits, according this website and James Pankow of Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, ARE 36% STRAIGHT-UP FREE-BASE NICOTENE. Should I say WERE. The next highest leading brand (Marlboro) is only 9.6, by comparison.
It is obvious why you can't switch?
The taste drop is JUST THIS--to an alcoholic, it's like switching from something 40% alcohol to 6%--tastes like crap, to an addict.
However,
THANK YOU, American Spirit. I have no cigarette to switch to left, without stepping on the back of a worker, let alone my own back. I can now quit. Because every quit started with,
"I'm not enjoying this cigarette. Why am I smoking it?"
And I no longer enjoy you. No, I won't buy more; I QUIT.