Women's Code of Ethics
posted by snarko on Tuesday, November 2 2004
Read It or Weep
[NOTE: I realize full well if you haven't been through this routine, you aren't going to listen to me at all. You will have to make your own mistakes to learn this.
That's why the first time you screw up, sensible women will call you naïve, and even take your side against the man that wronged you. The second time on, expect to be called anything from a homewrecker to a whore. You'll deserve it. ]
These rules are what most women would call COMMON SENSE. If broken, one or more parties involved are guaranteed to get hurt. In the short run, you won't be able to see it (if you are, in fact, genuinely naïve), but in the long run that "one" party will most likely be YOU.
Straight up, da rulez, here we go:
1. Do Not Sleep With Other Women’s Partners
First off, he's not going to leave her for you, I don't care what he tells you. If he were at all a mature man he'd have broken off that relationship, given her closure, then moved on to you. And what he does to her, he'll do to you too.
The mature thing to do is to wait until they break up, and if you have ONE OUNCE of respect for the woman involved, wait until she gets closure. If you don't, expect the man to be the target of her bitterness, and yourself to be the target of her hatred.
Besides, this makes you a REBOUND: rebounds rarely last more than four months. Unless you're willing to be a short-term screw, you'll give him the time and space to decide what he really wants, and if it's still you, bless you both.
2. If He Says "She Won't Mind," He's Lying
"Open relationship" or not—he's lying 99 out of 100 times. And just cuz he lied to you doesn't get you off the hook, because the fact that he's most likely lying is in fact one of the rules.
There is only one way to find this out: you have to talk to HER about it. If you aren't mature enough to do this, you aren't mature enough to enter an open relationship. If this is your first time and you're chickenshit, you can beat around the bush by asking about the nature and rules of their relationship, then bring it up.
3. If He Says "She Won't Find Out," He's Lying
So assume you DON'T have any respect for the woman, and you're willing to be on the sly. You're HOT GOSSIP now—it's gonna get back to her one way or another.
Even if you say NOTHING and he does the same, women have a sixth sense about this sort of thing. Beyond that, you're probably too obsessed to notice that both of your body languages have altered from their norm, sending a red flag up to everyone that sees the two of you "just hanging out". Even if she's too stupid to notice, one of her friends (or even his, or yours, or even the guy at the convenience store they both go to) isn't.
You WILL NOT get away with it forever. Period. So think hard about the consequences.
4. If You Even Start to Perceive Your Actions Are Straining Their Relationship, YOU CUT HIM OFF
Be a big girl, okay? He won't do it—he's got what he wants, or thinks he wants. Even if she said yes, the answer may in fact be no, or turn into no, possibly because of how he's acting in the situation and actually no fault of yours. They're probably in an "open relationship" of convenience and should break up, but that's not your business.
It is your business to not be a continued thorn in their side.
If you say you care about him and don't care about her, well, you're still making his every day a living hell cuz he's catching it from her, and rightfully so. The drama and hurt you create by remaining isn't worth the sex, trust me.
And if you're continuing your actions because you think they're gonna break up over you, refer back to rule #1.
5. She Might Not Be Crazy
Does he brood to you that "she's so mean" or crazy so you can console him? It is possible—nay, probable—he's the cause to begin with.
I don't care if she throws half-eaten apples (someone actually did this to me) or flaming candles in glass (I actually did this to someone) at you when she sees you—he may have driven her over the edge and that's how people act when they're at their limit. Get the facts before you write her off.
6. Most Mature Women Follow These Rules
Why am I bringing this point up? Well, honey, because if you didn't think your actions through like a mature woman does, one good reason he's with you is because you're EASY. He's probably gone after countless other women, all of whom were wise enough to not get involved, and they said no with good reason.
Make sure you're special, not convenient.
Besides, since most women DO follow these rules, or at least acknowledge them, every one of her girlfriends in gonna bring the wrath of vengeance down on you, not just the woman you wronged. You don't want to deal with this legion. It will likely mean you'll lose ALL of your friends, except for a handful of men that find you sexually attractive and after "hearing your side," realize you're easy.
7. If You Screw Up & Have One Ounce of Respect For the Woman, You'll Come Clean
Or you'll make him do it, whichever is more appropriate. She has the right to know. Put yourself in her shoes. If you can't, you have no compassion and deserve the wrath you receive. Some call it Instant Karma.
Besides, if she's sensible and you're genuinely deserving of a little slack (like he lied to you that he wasn't married—and you should be angry at him right along with her for this), she's going after him, not you, anyway. And it'll keep him from hurting even more women.
______
To be fair, these rules can always apply to the opposite sex; however in my experience when two people are turning towards obsession, it is generally the woman that is better able to control her hormones and use a little logic at the same time.
But when you don't, expect to end up crying.